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On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. “Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor.

“Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind,” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service.”

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“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment, he claimed: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”

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“What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’”

“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying …that phrase… in no time.”

“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.” The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!”

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“I’ve got a confession. I’m not a virgin, but I’ve been with only one man.”

The husband thinks for a second and says,

“Well it’s 2003, that’s not unusual for you to have had premarital sex. But can I ask who the guy was?”

She fidgets for a minute, then says,

“Tiger Woods.”

Her husband is surprised by this response but tells her,

“Well, he’s rich, talented, and good-looking. I can see why you wanted to sleep with him.”

So they make love for the first time and when they finish he gets up and goes to the room phone. His wife rolls over and asks,

“What are you doing?”

He tells her, “I’m hungry. I was gonna call room service. Do you want anything?”

“Tiger wouldn’t have done,” she says.

“Oh really? What would Tiger have done,” he asks.

“Tiger would have come back to bed and made love to me a second time.”

So her husband puts down the phone and gets back to bed and makes love to his wife a second time. After they finish he gets out of bed and walks to the phone again. Again his wife asks,

“What are you doing?”

“Well I never called room service the first time and I’m still hungry,” he replies.

“Tiger wouldn’t have done that,” she again tells him.

“Oh really. And what would Tiger have done?”

“Tiger would have come back to bed and made love to me a third time,” she says.

So her husband goes back to bed and makes love to her for a third time. After finally finishing he rolls out of bed again and goes to the phone.

“Calling room service again?” she asks.

“No! I’m calling Tiger so I can find out what the par is for this damn hole!!”

The professor then takes a handful of pebbles and adds them
to the jar, shaking it so the pebbles fill the cracks and asks if
the jar is full and again the class agrees.

The professor produces a small bag of sand and proceeds to
add it to the jar, shaking it so it fill the cracks and asks the
class if the jar is full and for the third time they agreed it is.

“Now”…the professor says…”I want you to use this jar full of
sediment as a way of looking at your life…the rocks represent
the things that are most important to you, your family, your
partner and your health… things that are the cornerstone of
your life.”

“The pebbles represent things like your money, your job or
your dwelling,things that are important, but can be replaced.”

“The sand represents the small things in your life, for instance,
what you wear, who you are seen with or where you eat.”

“You’ll find, if you put the sand in the jar first, you won’t have
enough room for not only the pebbles, but most importantly
the rocks.”

“The same thing goes for your life, if you spend too much time
and energy on the small issues, you focus less on the things
that really matter.”

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness,
play with your children, take your spouse out on a date and find
time for that medical checkup, in essences, set your priorities…
you must take care of the rocks first, then let the pebbles and
sand fill your jar.”

As the professor finishes, he receives a standing ovation for his
presentation, but through the crowd, comes a pupil from the
back of the room wearing a backpack.

He goes to front of the class, takes a bottle of beer out, opens it
and pours it into the professor’s jar.

The student asks the professor…”would you say the jar now full?”

The stunned professor could only watch as the student answered
his own question…”then we must conclude, that no mater how full
your life is…there’s always room for beer!”